PAUSE

Hello! Short break from the meme thing to update y’all on my happenings in my pathetic little life. Okay not really, life has been alright.

University and Summer

In the middle of May I finished my exams and handed in my final pieces of coursework, which meant I was free for the summer. Hooray! Yes it’s nice to have a break however I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to do because I have 132 days off until I’m back again! (That’s quite a lot, compared to the 60/90ish days we had in school.) Therefore I devised a list of people I need to meet, places I need to go and things I need to do. So far these lists are flourishing, with a few things crossed off already - including baking, painting and sunbathing! Good stuff.

Granny

Despite my fun expectations for the summer, sadness crept it’s way into the Green family household this week. My Granny Green was battling with cancer for over three years, and alas, the condition was triumphant where on Sunday 10th June, she peacefully passed away in hospital. Although it was expected, it was still an upsetting and shocking occurrence for all of us, especially Dad. Being one of the eldest of the grandchildren, I was invited to read a few verses from Proverbs 3 at the funeral. Not an easy thing to do, but she chose the verses herself so I knew I had to make her proud. It gave me great comfort because it was some of my favourite verses. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Wise words to live by methinks. Granny was a very special lady - greatly missed, but now in the arms of Jesus. 

Mural

A few weeks ago, the community’s two Primary schools got involved in painting a mural which will be placed on one of the ugly walls within the village. It’s part of a scheme to make our area more attractive. (Unsure how successful this scheme will be, but supporting Mourne none-the less) The team required volunteers so they invited me to assist the kids. I LOVED it! I forgot how wonderful it was just to sit down and paint. Surprisingly, the picture only took 4 days to create and in my opinion it looks pretty sweet. The mural will have it’s big unveiling on Wednesday this week at 1:45pm, so you are all invited to see the masterpiece!

Olympic Torch

As you all may be aware, the Olympics are being held by London this year! Although I’m not a big fan of sports, I think it’s pretty awesome that the country has this opportunity to host such a big event. The big gold Olympic torch is currently traveling round the U.K, which included Northern Ireland. One of these stops were in Newcastle, so we had the chance to travel down at 6:50am on Wednesday 6th June to see it run by! It was a really lovely atmosphere and worth getting up so early to see. 

London

Woooah, I think I’m transforming into a different person lately because Emma and I have booked a weekend away to London! If you know me at all, this isn’t something I would even THINK about never-mind carry out. (Although Emma threatened to get my sedated when going through the airports, man I hate airports...) However!! I have turned my life around - I’m making the most of my opportunities when I am young and have the chance to do something fun, yada, yada, yada...

OH yeah, so the reason we have decided to undertake this mission is because Korean pop groups called EXO and 4MINUTE are doing a concert in the O2 arena. Heck, it was cheap so we booked it - plus we organised tickets a broadway show! We shall also shop and sight-see. So we’ve made a mini-holiday out of it. I’m VERY excited! 

It’s also stroking “See a K-Pop concert” off my bucket list. Oh, and I’ll have to learn Exo’s names before I go, just incase we run into them there - I only recognise Kai! 

Look here we all are in Piccadilly Circus. These babies aren't anything compared to my presh presh BIGBANG but it’ll be fuuuunnnn!

BLUE

I was about to introduce this blog post stating how I haven’t blogged for a while etc. but decided that is not the way to go, since 1. it’s very boring and 2. it was only a fortnight ago.

I haven’t had any time to chill so have spent my evenings doing that instead of blogging. (That means pigging out in front of the laptop stuffing my face and staring at my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr feeds all night)

The interesting thing now is because I’m at university, it is a lot more likely that one or more of these are someone a lot of you don’t know. Which means you can't guess them unless you live inside my head. Not trying to twist your minds or anything, it is fact.
I don’t compose these to bring attention to myself or my blog, I like having somewhere I can document and express my thoughts freely. Kaboom!

- Explosion of ponderings -

One.

I miss being close to you, I feel like we are drifting apart and I’m trying desperately to repair what we have lost but I genuinely don’t know what to say anymore. I feel like I’ve been cruelly left out - not intentionally though - and I miss the craic. I miss you more than anyone, because you are so lovely and genuine and you were my first friend. Can we please try and fix this because I’m at a loss of what to do. 

Two.

You are messing with my head, like seriously. Why must I fall so easily, especially of all people, why must it be you! I swore to myself I wouldn’t let this happen again, except this time it’s much worse because it is you and I can’t, and won’t, even tell anybody. I hope these feelings will go away because it’s all too confusing and I’m being silly and will therefore shut up.

Three.

I’m very glad you are back in my life. I know I am losing hope others and feel I am welcomed back with you. It’s comfortable and I feel so at ease talking to you. Just like old times. I really appreciate your company and hope we can become really great friends again. 

Four.

This is far too difficult, I want to help you but it is just too much effort. I physically can’t help you if you can’t help yourself. I have others and don’t need you either. Just don’t hurt yourself. Sorry.

Five.

I can’t kid myself, and I certainly can’t kid Emma. YOU ARE STILL MY KING OPPA.

(Honestly I think oppa is one of my favourite words ever. C:) Oppas make Claudbag happy, I need many oppas. I collect them and keep them safe. Hehehehehe.

I’ve been feeling very negative and sad lately, please someone cheer me up. I guess I’m feeling BLUE.

My boys are back. I love BIGBANG. ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I am now 19, this gives me 365 days of being a teenager left.

I must make this worthwhile. Let’s list all the things that needs to be done.

1. Meet loads of new people.
2. Be nicer to my family.
3. Live for God.
4. Pass my exams.
5. Always try my best.
6. Reconnect with friends whom I have lost contact with.
7. Start sketching again.
8. Have faith in myself.
9. Have confidence in everything I do.
10. Stand up for what I believe in. 
11. Remain close with my friendship group from school.
12. Have a bit of romance in my life.
13. Eat more fruit.
14. Wear my retainer to bed.
15. Go on holiday.
16. Learn to cook.
17. Write letters.
18. Save money and spend it on something great.
19. Obtain my dream weight.
20. Become more inventive.
21. Buy a new pair of glasses.
22. Plan something awesome.
23. Learn how to use my graphics tablet.
24. Walk the dog more often.
25. Do something dramatic to my appearance.
26. Compliment others.
27. Get a job.
28. Take more photographs.
29. Continue to do my photo-of-the-day until 31st December 2012.
30. Spend more time with Jared.
31. Learn to drive.
32. Don’t stress.
33. Read more books!
34. Don’t worry.
35. Make more eye contact with others.
36. Redecorate the container.
37. Do something which would usually scare me.
38. Stop caring what others think of me or my interests.
39. Take vitamin tablet daily.
40. Go to a party.
41. Stop snacking, especially in the evening.
42. Travel alone.
43. Practice my signature because it's a mess.
44. Turn off the internet and dive into other hobbies.
45. Look after a plant.
46. Build up my physical strength.
47. Give money to the poor.
48. Get out of my comfort zone.
49. Make a movie.
50. Take make-up off before bed.
51. Go on holiday with friends before we all go our separate ways.
52. Spend less time online.
53. Recognize and praise the accomplishments of others.
54. Explore and widen my music taste.
55. Start baking more often.
56. Apologise for any wrong-doings.
57. Create a list of my favourite films.
58. Make more phone calls.
59. Work on being more flirty.
60. Pray consistently and earnestly.
61. Control my temper.
62. Drink less tea.
63. Stop being a horrible person.
64. Join an extracurricular activity.
65. Enjoy every day as much as possible.
66. Go to the beach.
67. Schedule some me-time.
68. Express how I really am to people I don’t know well.
69. Read my Bible regularly.
70. Smile at random people.
71. Stop, break and breathe.
72. Eat food from around the world.
73. Help out round the house.
74. Use the stairs instead of an escalator/lift.
75. Get experience a paid or voluntary job relating to my career.
76. Become less reliant on my mobile phone.
77. Stop being shy...
78. ...and even worse, snobby.
79. Tell someone I love them.
80. Practice willpower.
81. Sort out my skincare regime.
82. Look at the stars.
83. Keep secrets.
84. Turn down my music volume or I will go deaf.
85. Improve my posture.
86. Be more friendly and approachable.
87. Look after myself.
88. Spend more time with my Grandparents.
89. Continue to look for bargains, like a boss.
90. Bake a cake.
91. Watch different T.V shows.
92. Look after my hair.
93. Enjoy a bath.
94. Stop Facebook stalking.
95. Mend any broken relationships.
96. Keep my wardrobe organised.
97. Drink loadddsss of water.
98. Work on things early and get them done and out of the way.
99. Do what I love and what I want to do.
100. Live life to the fullest.

INTENTIONS

Hey,

I don't think I have blogged for a while. I'm surprised how I've kept at it, it was part of my new years resolutions.

I must admit, school is going crap. I feel really stressed but just don't care enough to do anything about it. I’m failing all my subjects and it’s so tempting to drop out of school. (However, I am much too proud for that.) I was quite depressed last week, just moping about, looking tired and upset. Mum looked worried. This week I don't feel depressed, just really angry. And ridiculously clumsy. You won't believe the amount of things I've dropped, spilt, lost and how I've managed to make a fool out of myself over the silliest things. Last week I would have had a mental breakdown, but this week I'm getting so so cross about it, like it's crazy. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think it's because I'm wearing glasses. I never had problems wearing lenses- but since my optician told me last Tuesday that wearing contact lenses 15 hours a day, 7 days a week is too much (what an outrage!) my life has gone downhill. Or maybe it's just a coincidence. Who knows.

I need to get out more. I feel like I've been living in a cage the last few weeks. Are all people this boring? Do they get out more than I do? I have no money, no car and no friends! Well that’s an overreaction, I do have friends. We just don’t do much.

I am so self conscious recently. I blame the glasses again. Probably no one else cares, but I care about my appearance. And that matters more than anyone. I just realised how vain I sounded there. Hm, well I’m not that vain, I just like looking after myself. I do love cosmetic stuff and looking after my skin. Mum got me eye creme and a big tub of Clinique for Christmas which I use faithfully. I am afraid of getting old. I don’t want to get wrinkly. Well at the same time I want to be a glamourous granny, but not yet. But by the looks of things, I’m gonna be a glamourous FAT granny.

That’s if I live that long. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I really don’t think I’m a good blogger. My blog is likely to be filled with spelling and grammar mistakes, some of it probably doesn’t make sense at all. I also noticed I use the same words all the time to express myself. “Basically” “I think” “so” and “Hm.”

My mood. I’m not as happy as I should be. This is possibly due to stress from school, a non-existent social life and not getting the most out of life. I noticed in English as we study poems that I am very like the two poets we are studying, Edward Thomas and Robert Frost. But they were like depressed for their whole lives and had a tough deal, while I on the other hand have everything I could ever ask for. I remember this line from one of their poems “I cannot bite the day to the core” I think it was a Thomas poem. It really relates to me, as I physically can’t do that. But I really really want to. I want to make the most out of my life. But the point is, I’m not doing that either and I find it miserable that life is going so fast and how I have failed to do anything useful with it.

Seriously, where is my future going? I’m sounded like some kind of career-obsessed, destiny-seeking emo. But I want to know these things! I need to pray more, I really do. It’s just so difficult.

ciao

-claudia

HONESTY

Okay, the whole point of this blog is writing what you really think of a certain person. You can say whatever on earth you want to and they won't know. Each number is a different person.

Person 1.) You are so cool. You know everything about me and the way my mind works. I don't know what I would do without you and we share everything with each other. However, I notice you are very distant recently.. are you OK? I wish you were back to normal and everything will be fun and normal again.

Person 2.) Why have you abandoned me?? We used to be such good friends and now you totally ignore me at every possible moment I try to talk. I thought you were quite cool and respected you for who you are. I've given up now. All you think about is yourself-You are a lazy slob... I still miss you though.

Person 3.) Let's add to my anger here for person number 3. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. You have changed so much in the two years that I have known you. You used to be so nice and so sweet. Now you hang around with them awful people and you really get on my nerves. Catch yourself on.

Person 4.) I think I'm getting on with you better now-a-days. For a while I really hated you, I know that's harsh. But you got on my nerves so much. Especially last year. But this year things are gonna get better.

Person 5.) Strangely enough, number 5 and I get on great. I never thought I'd be friends with you, you seem too "cool." You are great craic and so so fashionable, I am jealous of your amount of clothes. And you're so funny, you are class. BUT you never listen to anything and you are so unorganised!! You have great ideas but never get round to doing them, which is a shame. I sometimes carry them out instead, but anything I do, you can do better. Which can be a bit sickening sometimes.

Person 6.) HA you make me laugh so much. You have a wicked sense of humour and I think you have more common sense than I do. I feel blessed having you as my brother and as my friend.

Person 7.) Hey, you are so nice. Like, you have changed so much since September and since then we get on so well. You are so lovely. You always smile at me in school and always make an effort in talking to me even though somedays I feel like crap. I love how calm and quiet your nature is. You are really great with kids too.

Person 8.) Why don't we talk anymore? I'm sorry I have been so busy with school and stuff. But to be honest, you are too obsessed with your boyfriend to have time with anyone.

Person 9.) Wowee you are so sweet and kind! You are a darling. You are afraid to offend anyone and you are so so polite. I love how we are becoming more friendly again! Just like old times!

Person 10.) You look at me in school all funny. It's scaring me a bit. You never used to talk to me and suddenly you do. It's odd.

CH-CH-CHANGES

I want to write a blog about new year's resolutions. Here goes.

Become closer to God- I've been so distant recently it's embarrassing. Due to going to bed so late, I haven't had time for quiet time, and my prayers are a mumbley mess. I need to get back into routine of putting God first in my life. This just hasn't been happening.

Be crazy and adventurous- I'm just so lazy! I sit in every weekend. I need to get out more, experience new stuff; like try new food, wear different clothes, go different places, listen to a range of music, learn a new language, watch movies, plan events and carry them out.

Meet new people- I seem to hang out with the same old crowd all the time, I would love to meet new people and have a wider range of friends. I'm really quiet though, and most of the time I don't have a clue what to say to people. I shall conker this! *determined face*

Learn to drive- Something I dread, but it must be done! Actually, dad was looking for a car for me last night, and I did get excited about it. I'm hopeless at theory (to put it this way, I scraped my cycling proficiency when I was 11) But there is a lot of thickos who have their test, so maybe it's not as hard as it looks?

Save Money- HAH well this is mission impossible- due to the fact I need money to run a future car, and that I just love spending cash. I will be more careful on what I spend money on. I don't have a job- that could go on the list too.

Become nicer to people- I have the worst temper, I need to learn to control it. I also need to become more polite because I'm sometimes rude and don't even realise. Whoops. I also have started this habit of swearing under my breath, or replacing swear words with these made up words (example: ssssss..sugarbooger. or. "si-ah-hash-sheesh" which is basically Parseltongue in Harry Potter. lawl.)

Lose weight- Okay, even half a stone I would be happy with. I have NO willpower whatsoever, probably the same willpower as a smoker trying to quit. It's like battling the Blob in Scribblenauts; You can't win.

Exercise- This ties in with point above. Try and get to the gym once a week, twice if I'm lucky.

Become more creative- Blog often, keep a planner (I have for the last two years running, it's definitely one of my better ideas) draw often;- put this art onto deviantart, perhaps make a YouTube video? Photoshop loads (that reminds me I need to get my Corel Photoshop off Sarah.)

Volunteer- Once again, I am lazy and not willing to help others. I need to write a CV in the near future, if I don't do something about it, it will be an empty CV. Not cool man.

Pass exams- Flip I haven't started revision! My whole school stuff is going downhill. I'm just so lazy. Work work work work work work work in 2010 Claudia.

Til my next blogging session,

Claudia. :)