CONTROVERSIAL #1

Gonna answer all the dangerous/controversial/awkward questions in a single post.

If you bumped into the person you dislike or if you were stuck with them in an elevator, what would you do or say?
Well I’d probably try to be civil and either say hello, exchange a nod or just say nothing at all if they don’t make eye contact.

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
There are certain people who spring to mind here. I find it difficult to forgive people who bullied and made fun of me when I was younger, around 10-14 years old. And no, I can’t say I have forgiven for them yet - I know it sounds ridiculous but words hurt. I still hear those harsh words ring in my ears when I’m feeling crappy. I remember not being able to sleep at night, sick with worry thinking of the next day of school. And if I see them, I feel such a burning anger for making my life so horrible, I can hardly look them in the eye! I hope I will be able to forgive them in the near future.

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
I notice as you get older this happens more regularly. It becomes ten times harder to keep in touch with people, and there’s also some you just have to let go because there is no room for them in your life. This is quite sad really. The ones who have drifted I can’t say I miss much - then there are others who I don’t see but if we would meet up, it would be just like the way it used to be - then there’s some I meet and feel so awkward I can hardly make conversation with. I was afraid I would lose contact with James since we left for university, but thankfully we haven’t drifted apart, which I'm very thankful for!

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
There are a few people who I’ve met in my lifetime who I really didn’t like or wish I never knew. But I think there’s a reason for everything - even if I didn’t impact their life, it maybe was showing me who were good friends for me to have and who were not.

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
What’s this now? Religion and politics are in the same question?!
Religion - As most of you know, I am a ‘religious’ person. I have been blessed in a loving Christian family who involved me in church and which also influenced my morals and lifestyle choices. I gave my life to Christ when I was a child, probably round 7 or 8 years old. I never fell away from this faith - and still live by these moral principles today. I don’t drink, smoke, sleep around...etc. It amazes me how stuck by these values for so long - it’s by faith obviously. God has provided me with such a strong faith and I’m not easily swayed, plus this kind of lifestyle never appealed to me anyway. I wouldn’t label my faith a religion, although it probably looks like it is, it’s more a personal relationship. The closer you are to God, other things such as relationships with others, struggles and worries are easier to deal with. I think I would be a paranoid, stressed and horrible human being if I didn‘t have God in my life to conquer my obstacles. I think it takes an open mind to have a faith in something, any religion actually. I can understand that it doesn’t appeal to everyone. It’s not an easy choice though either. I see why people want to live their own life, which saddens me, because I see how powerful and wonderful God works in my life. But flip, I could talk about how God has transformed my life for hours, but it’s something you gotta feel for yourself.
Politics - I am afraid I have a lack of knowledge and understanding in all things political. I wish I even understood what it’s all about - so I would have an opinion. But since I don’t, I shall say nothing at all.

Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Personally I don’t understand why people drink or smoke, never-mind do drugs. Purposively damaging your body never quite appealed to me! Well I actually think it’s very sad when I see friends, flatmates and fellow students away out to nightclubs or parties. I don’t understand this lifestyle at all. Again, I feel I shouldn’t criticise because I’ve never even been to a nightclub, bar or party. Or drunk an alcoholic beverage for that matter. I choose not to drink because I think if I started, I would not stop. There’s a few reasons actually but I’d rather not bore you all to tears. And for drugs, well drugs are stupid, just no thank you.

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
A few people do spring to mind unfortunately. In my childhood I was a child who was rarely shouted at (not by my parents though) so when someone actually told me off about something insignificant or said something mean, I tended to held a grudge against them forever. I think I reacted like this because I’m kinda sensitive, believe it or not. Although I try to hide that side of me. I’d rather not list these individuals here because it seems petty. I need to forgive these people for what they said, but more importantly be forgiven for holding these pointless grudges against them.

Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Eugh! What a horrible question! It’s worse when you’ve already been through a similar scenario before. Thankfully Jordan and I were not fighting before she had her car accident. (I thank God that we weren’t, because we definitely had our tense moments in school.) To be honest I don’t even want to answer this one, I pray none of us will have to go through a similar situation again.

Have you ever did something bad or lied to your parents but got away with it?

No I can’t say I have, haha! My mum can read me like a book. And by a book, I probably would be a children’s book. Very, very easy to read.

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
I believe I am still alive today because God feels my work on earth is not yet complete. And what this reason is...only he knows. I would LOVE to know what he wants me to do, but for now I will live by his word everyday and believe everything will fall into place when the time is right. God’s plan is good!

SOMETHING...

SOOPER MEME MEME MEME MEME

Something you hate about yourself:
What a pessimistic question! I don’t think there’s anything I absolutely hate, just a few flaws in my personality and lifestyle I think I would like to change. One of them would be that I waste my time on silly things then neglect the things which are more important. Appearance wise, I always look really cross, so people think I’m aggressive - it’s just my normal expression though, sigh!

Something you love about yourself:
My wide variety of loud and embarrassing laughs.

Something you regret:
I regret not spending more time with my Granny before she died. I know that’s silly thinking like that because we visited her quite regularly. But I wish when I was there - I listened to what she said, I took interest in the conversation - instead of just sitting texting on my phone. Just thinking of it tears me up. How could I have been so stupid!

Something you have to forgive yourself for:
I have to forgive myself for being such a big horrible mess of a human being a few years ago. I’m trying to make up for it now by being nicer.

Something you have to forgive someone for:
Certain individuals who I felt bullied me in my younger years. Also a couple of people who made fun of my weight. There are some things which are harder to forgive than others.

Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life:
I wish I remembered who was important when I had them in my life. I wish I didn’t bicker with Jordan as much when she was alive. I wish I didn’t beat myself up due to my lack of self-confidence. I wish that I hadn’t told so many lies to my parents. I wish I wasn’t so angry at people for so many unnecessary reasons.

Something you wish you had done in your life:
I wish that I hadn’t wasted my life obsessing over things and used that time and energy to serve God. Why am I so capable of telling others to listen to K-Pop, but massively fail at telling others about the Good News of Jesus?? CLAUDIA YOU MESS.

Something you hope to do in your life:
Oh the usual female ambitions - get married, get a house, have kids, job etc.

Something you hope you never have to do:
Watch someone I love die - that would be a frightening and unpleasant experience.

Something you hope to change about yourself:
Wow these questions are deep! I hope to become 100% reliant on God. I always say I will, but when things are going well, I tend to forget about him. Then when things go wrong, I always expect him to fix my problems.

Someone who has made your life worth living for:
I remember Jordan saying in a post a long time ago: *cheesy Christian answer* My answer here is Jesus. He died for my sins so I definitely owe him one. Living for Jesus is the best decision I’ve ever made.

Something people seem to compliment you the most on:
My blue glasses, haha. Or my hair possibly?

Something you never get compliments on:
Er my eyes? I like my eyes anyway. Maybe no-one can see them because they are distracted by the glasses.

- Claudia

PAUSE

Hello! Short break from the meme thing to update y’all on my happenings in my pathetic little life. Okay not really, life has been alright.

University and Summer

In the middle of May I finished my exams and handed in my final pieces of coursework, which meant I was free for the summer. Hooray! Yes it’s nice to have a break however I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to do because I have 132 days off until I’m back again! (That’s quite a lot, compared to the 60/90ish days we had in school.) Therefore I devised a list of people I need to meet, places I need to go and things I need to do. So far these lists are flourishing, with a few things crossed off already - including baking, painting and sunbathing! Good stuff.

Granny

Despite my fun expectations for the summer, sadness crept it’s way into the Green family household this week. My Granny Green was battling with cancer for over three years, and alas, the condition was triumphant where on Sunday 10th June, she peacefully passed away in hospital. Although it was expected, it was still an upsetting and shocking occurrence for all of us, especially Dad. Being one of the eldest of the grandchildren, I was invited to read a few verses from Proverbs 3 at the funeral. Not an easy thing to do, but she chose the verses herself so I knew I had to make her proud. It gave me great comfort because it was some of my favourite verses. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Wise words to live by methinks. Granny was a very special lady - greatly missed, but now in the arms of Jesus. 

Mural

A few weeks ago, the community’s two Primary schools got involved in painting a mural which will be placed on one of the ugly walls within the village. It’s part of a scheme to make our area more attractive. (Unsure how successful this scheme will be, but supporting Mourne none-the less) The team required volunteers so they invited me to assist the kids. I LOVED it! I forgot how wonderful it was just to sit down and paint. Surprisingly, the picture only took 4 days to create and in my opinion it looks pretty sweet. The mural will have it’s big unveiling on Wednesday this week at 1:45pm, so you are all invited to see the masterpiece!

Olympic Torch

As you all may be aware, the Olympics are being held by London this year! Although I’m not a big fan of sports, I think it’s pretty awesome that the country has this opportunity to host such a big event. The big gold Olympic torch is currently traveling round the U.K, which included Northern Ireland. One of these stops were in Newcastle, so we had the chance to travel down at 6:50am on Wednesday 6th June to see it run by! It was a really lovely atmosphere and worth getting up so early to see. 

London

Woooah, I think I’m transforming into a different person lately because Emma and I have booked a weekend away to London! If you know me at all, this isn’t something I would even THINK about never-mind carry out. (Although Emma threatened to get my sedated when going through the airports, man I hate airports...) However!! I have turned my life around - I’m making the most of my opportunities when I am young and have the chance to do something fun, yada, yada, yada...

OH yeah, so the reason we have decided to undertake this mission is because Korean pop groups called EXO and 4MINUTE are doing a concert in the O2 arena. Heck, it was cheap so we booked it - plus we organised tickets a broadway show! We shall also shop and sight-see. So we’ve made a mini-holiday out of it. I’m VERY excited! 

It’s also stroking “See a K-Pop concert” off my bucket list. Oh, and I’ll have to learn Exo’s names before I go, just incase we run into them there - I only recognise Kai! 

Look here we all are in Piccadilly Circus. These babies aren't anything compared to my presh presh BIGBANG but it’ll be fuuuunnnn!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I am now 19, this gives me 365 days of being a teenager left.

I must make this worthwhile. Let’s list all the things that needs to be done.

1. Meet loads of new people.
2. Be nicer to my family.
3. Live for God.
4. Pass my exams.
5. Always try my best.
6. Reconnect with friends whom I have lost contact with.
7. Start sketching again.
8. Have faith in myself.
9. Have confidence in everything I do.
10. Stand up for what I believe in. 
11. Remain close with my friendship group from school.
12. Have a bit of romance in my life.
13. Eat more fruit.
14. Wear my retainer to bed.
15. Go on holiday.
16. Learn to cook.
17. Write letters.
18. Save money and spend it on something great.
19. Obtain my dream weight.
20. Become more inventive.
21. Buy a new pair of glasses.
22. Plan something awesome.
23. Learn how to use my graphics tablet.
24. Walk the dog more often.
25. Do something dramatic to my appearance.
26. Compliment others.
27. Get a job.
28. Take more photographs.
29. Continue to do my photo-of-the-day until 31st December 2012.
30. Spend more time with Jared.
31. Learn to drive.
32. Don’t stress.
33. Read more books!
34. Don’t worry.
35. Make more eye contact with others.
36. Redecorate the container.
37. Do something which would usually scare me.
38. Stop caring what others think of me or my interests.
39. Take vitamin tablet daily.
40. Go to a party.
41. Stop snacking, especially in the evening.
42. Travel alone.
43. Practice my signature because it's a mess.
44. Turn off the internet and dive into other hobbies.
45. Look after a plant.
46. Build up my physical strength.
47. Give money to the poor.
48. Get out of my comfort zone.
49. Make a movie.
50. Take make-up off before bed.
51. Go on holiday with friends before we all go our separate ways.
52. Spend less time online.
53. Recognize and praise the accomplishments of others.
54. Explore and widen my music taste.
55. Start baking more often.
56. Apologise for any wrong-doings.
57. Create a list of my favourite films.
58. Make more phone calls.
59. Work on being more flirty.
60. Pray consistently and earnestly.
61. Control my temper.
62. Drink less tea.
63. Stop being a horrible person.
64. Join an extracurricular activity.
65. Enjoy every day as much as possible.
66. Go to the beach.
67. Schedule some me-time.
68. Express how I really am to people I don’t know well.
69. Read my Bible regularly.
70. Smile at random people.
71. Stop, break and breathe.
72. Eat food from around the world.
73. Help out round the house.
74. Use the stairs instead of an escalator/lift.
75. Get experience a paid or voluntary job relating to my career.
76. Become less reliant on my mobile phone.
77. Stop being shy...
78. ...and even worse, snobby.
79. Tell someone I love them.
80. Practice willpower.
81. Sort out my skincare regime.
82. Look at the stars.
83. Keep secrets.
84. Turn down my music volume or I will go deaf.
85. Improve my posture.
86. Be more friendly and approachable.
87. Look after myself.
88. Spend more time with my Grandparents.
89. Continue to look for bargains, like a boss.
90. Bake a cake.
91. Watch different T.V shows.
92. Look after my hair.
93. Enjoy a bath.
94. Stop Facebook stalking.
95. Mend any broken relationships.
96. Keep my wardrobe organised.
97. Drink loadddsss of water.
98. Work on things early and get them done and out of the way.
99. Do what I love and what I want to do.
100. Live life to the fullest.

3. YOUR PARENTS

Dear Mum and Dad,

Okay, I know you will probably never read this, which is maybe a good thing. I want to thank you for always being there for me, I’m glad you didn’t divorce or die or anything or I’d be even more messed up. I know I owe you a lot, something I don’t think I could ever do. (Unless I won the lottery or something)

Without your influence in my life, I know I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. You gave me the chance to grow up in a Christian home. This was something to build my morals, decisions and personality on. I don’t even want to think what I would be like if I wasn’t raised this way. But today I have an amazing relationship with God and I’m so so thankful for that.

Thank you for encouraging my love of art and broadening my creative talent: I understand if you were bored when I trailed you round art exhibitions all those years. I also want to thank you for accepting my passion for art and supporting me as I discuss choosing it as a course in university, even though I’m fully aware choosing art could get me no-where in life. I really value your opinion about making decisions for my future. It’s so helpful having someone older and wiser to guide me along, especially when you both know me so well.

I’m very grateful for all you have given me. Materialistically yes, but also the love and the memories we have had together. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. Especially when I’m cross. I’m sorry I always get so cross. But I always feel bad afterwards.

I probably have disappointed you in rows and I’m sorry about that. But I do think we get on very well usually.

I know you’re proud of me because I study well, I know you’re proud of me because I look after myself quite well, I know you’re proud of me because I’m a good child. I hope you’re proud of me in everything I attempt to do, especially in the future, which you know I’m terrified of. But I’m certain you will help me through it.

Dad, I want to thank you for allowing me to inherit your genes. I have lovely brown eyes and a round face (which I’ve been told I will appreciate when I am older) I am also thankful for crude sense of humour and interest in technology I have. I also enjoy the craic with you, us roaring mindlessly at each other can be lots of fun. However, you do have faults: I hate ‘Two and a Half Men’ on repeat 24 hours a day, and I despise having to watch it after you fall asleep snoring on the sofa at 9.30pm every night. It’s not fair. And I also don’t like how lazy you can be. Fair enough, you have to work lots but I don’t like cleaning up eggs after breakfast or cleaning the bathroom. Speaking of work, YOU WORK TOO HARD. You are all stressed usually and you pull your hair out. If you’re not careful you will die of a heart-attack, then how will ‘the business’ cope? We will all be screwed, just because you won’t sit down! And I don’t understand how you procrastinate so much, that just makes work worse. By the way, I may have to join Green Electrical if my art career doesn’t work out.

Mum, I want to thank you for all the good talks we have late at night. I feel like I can tell you anything and I usually do, because I don’t understand the concept of kept secrets or barriers between us. I want to give thanks also for my soft heart and awesome sense of style. You allowed me to freely develop my own style until I found what suits me. I’m glad you are not old. Like, really old. I also like how you’re not cross at Jared and I much. I’d usually just shout back, because I enjoy a good shout. I like how you accept me as I am, and handle my obsessions and monitor what I buy quite well. But you have your faults too: you never listen properly! Even though I know I’m sure I told you otherwise, you get it wrong! It drives me mad. Then you ARGUE otherwise, just like Jared, and it cracks us both up. You also make us clean the house a lot, I don’t really mind but it’s annoying when I want to do something else. This year’s exam pressure was grand for me, (let’s just hope I done okay) but Jared’s was absurd. Sure his marks were actually good, but it gets so boring listening to it after a week.

But, flip, this letter has gotten long. But anyway, thank you for setting such a good example for me. I want to be like you when I’m older. (I’m already turning into you anyway with my desire to clean) except I’ll have a little Asian boy who can play the drums. You are so so very organised, I love how I have inherited your instinct to use a to-do list and look after my stuff so well. You need to teach me how to deal with money next, I just don’t understand that.

And Dad, thank you for having an interest in cars, because I honestly don’t have a clue. And thanks for currently paying my insurance because I’m still at school. The craic is good when we go out for a drive and to our occasional Burrendale gym days together.

Okay, I’m ending this now. Thank you for all our memories together, and I hope there will be many more. Even if it’s just sitting in the house watching a film, I’m very happy to be a member of the Green family.

I’d end with saying I love you but you already know that.

- Lots of Love,

Claudia xox

SELF-ANALYSING...

Ever felt really annoyed at something insignificant?

I dunno, I think that’s happened to me an awful lot recently. I can’t help it, but I feel annoyed, angry and just confused!

Sometimes I wish things were back the way they used to be, back when we were young and anything we said to each other wasn’t serious or horrible. But why must they be like this? I don’t understand why we must always try and beat each other at this stupid little game. Sure, it’s partly our fault too. It was very satisfying to “get revenge.” But now I just feel a bit hurt.

Seriously, sometimes I can’t wait to leave school: to feel the independence of being grown-up and not look back at the ignorant, Sectarian area I live in. That would be the compulsive, infuriated attitude on numerous occasions I feel. From time to time I feel trapped in the little area of Mourne, with the egotistical and arrogant individuals I am surrounded with. It’s like I don’t even fit in. It doesn’t help that it’s also quite a boring place to live; I’ve never appreciated the mountains or the sea. I don’t drink, in other words, get ‘loaded’ at the weekend (yes, they take drink to the absolute limit here) So what is there to do?

In spite of that, even though the area has it’s negative points, there are some things I do actually like about it. I have a small collection of friends that make me laugh. I go to a good school. I live in a great, big house that you could never own in a city. I l have a loving family. etc. So I am able to look at both views of where I live.

Mum told me to not sneer your hometown: because if you have nothing else left, there’s always a place you can return to that will embrace you with open arms. Which is very true I guess.

I am a big softy though. Past my hardened appearance, I am rather compassionate. I think I’ve become softer in the past few years.

I am more wary of hurting others’ feelings and I’m bothered of what people think of me. This has resulted me in being less confident, especially in class or with a group of people. Also, I think it’s resulted in having a different, smaller group of friends. I miss my other friends sometimes. I miss their different craic and miss not being invited to places with them. It’s my own fault deserting them back in fourth year, now they don’t want me. Face the facts Claud.

I worry about exams, university, marriage, children etc. all the time. I’m scared of something not turning out right. Even though I know God will pull me through it, it’s so daunting that all these decisions will have to eventually be made by an older me.

Sigh. This self analysing is boring me now. (probably boring everyone else too)

Well, today I’ve been sick since 5am. I feel awful and haven’t ate. And I’m missing the England match. (According to Facebook they aren’t doing so great anywayz)

South Korea went out yesterday, so my interest in football has gone way down.

Blah. *too tired to care about blogging now*

-Claudia

UPDATE

I took a day off school today to revise. I never do that. It's weird.

I haven't started yet.

But I have started to IRON! I hate it.

Okay, here is how the New Year's Resolutions are going:

Be crazy and adventurous:-

• Go out in the weekend
• Try new food- Mum gave me lamb chop for dinner yesterday and I was near sick.
• Wear different clothes
• Go different places
• Listen to range of music-Started to listen to more K-Pop, love it!
• Learn new language-Learning Korean.
• Watch movies- I have Transformers to watch.
• Plan events and carry them out.- Currently planning LONDON. My Birthday party too, less than a month.

Meet new people- hmm, I don't know if I have done this one yet or not.

Become closer to God- I should really have more quiet time.

Learn to drive- STILL not behind the wheel. But I sent my provisional away yesterday!

Save money- I put money into my bank account there on Tuesday. Desperately trying to save for London at Easter.

Become nicer to people- Temper? Okay I guess.. but I have been moody round the house, possibly exam stress. And I don't swear as much, that's good. I think I have been more polite, but I forgot about this resolution so these are all guesses.

Lose Weight- die die die die die die die

Exercise- woo! I was at the Gym on Tuesday evening and I think I'm going again tonight. I wonder will the fit Chinese man be there...

Become more creative- fail fail fail!! I haven't done any "fun" art yet, just school stuff. Actually quite proud of my school stuff though...

Volunteer- No, still lazy and useless as ever.

Pass exams- Well this isn't going to happen if I don't start revising!!!

WILLPOWER

WILLPOWER

WILLPOWER

Emma and I saw Kerri dance to "It's You" last night. It was amazing. I scorn my foolish younger self for refusing to go to ballet when Mother asked me to.

CH-CH-CHANGES

I want to write a blog about new year's resolutions. Here goes.

Become closer to God- I've been so distant recently it's embarrassing. Due to going to bed so late, I haven't had time for quiet time, and my prayers are a mumbley mess. I need to get back into routine of putting God first in my life. This just hasn't been happening.

Be crazy and adventurous- I'm just so lazy! I sit in every weekend. I need to get out more, experience new stuff; like try new food, wear different clothes, go different places, listen to a range of music, learn a new language, watch movies, plan events and carry them out.

Meet new people- I seem to hang out with the same old crowd all the time, I would love to meet new people and have a wider range of friends. I'm really quiet though, and most of the time I don't have a clue what to say to people. I shall conker this! *determined face*

Learn to drive- Something I dread, but it must be done! Actually, dad was looking for a car for me last night, and I did get excited about it. I'm hopeless at theory (to put it this way, I scraped my cycling proficiency when I was 11) But there is a lot of thickos who have their test, so maybe it's not as hard as it looks?

Save Money- HAH well this is mission impossible- due to the fact I need money to run a future car, and that I just love spending cash. I will be more careful on what I spend money on. I don't have a job- that could go on the list too.

Become nicer to people- I have the worst temper, I need to learn to control it. I also need to become more polite because I'm sometimes rude and don't even realise. Whoops. I also have started this habit of swearing under my breath, or replacing swear words with these made up words (example: ssssss..sugarbooger. or. "si-ah-hash-sheesh" which is basically Parseltongue in Harry Potter. lawl.)

Lose weight- Okay, even half a stone I would be happy with. I have NO willpower whatsoever, probably the same willpower as a smoker trying to quit. It's like battling the Blob in Scribblenauts; You can't win.

Exercise- This ties in with point above. Try and get to the gym once a week, twice if I'm lucky.

Become more creative- Blog often, keep a planner (I have for the last two years running, it's definitely one of my better ideas) draw often;- put this art onto deviantart, perhaps make a YouTube video? Photoshop loads (that reminds me I need to get my Corel Photoshop off Sarah.)

Volunteer- Once again, I am lazy and not willing to help others. I need to write a CV in the near future, if I don't do something about it, it will be an empty CV. Not cool man.

Pass exams- Flip I haven't started revision! My whole school stuff is going downhill. I'm just so lazy. Work work work work work work work in 2010 Claudia.

Til my next blogging session,

Claudia. :)

HELLO

I just realised I had a blogger account! I forgot it existed.
After reading my old posts, I thought it was time to start it again. So I deleted them because to be honest, they were quite depressing.

Basically, my name is Claudia, I live in a tiny village in the heart of the earth *sarcasim*; Annalong.

I'm 16 years old and I'm in Lower 6th at my local high school. I'm studying Art, English, R.E and I.C.T. I think that's all you need to know for now...

I'm trying to live my life for God. It's a struggle, but I'll try my best. :)

Since I'm a failure at writing diary entries daily, I'm gonna try blogging every so often instead.


Claudia x

P.S: I got my injection for cervical cancer today. My arm is killing me!!